Monday, August 24, 2009

Impending Doom

As terrible as my arthritis has been throughout my life, there are kids and adults both who are far more worse off than myself. I have had it pretty easy, compared to many with this disease. Yes, there are other who have it easier - those who will outgrow the disease or already have done so. I am grateful every single day that I am not worse off.

With all that said, I've been feeling some odd sense of impending doom. I feel like something bad is going to happen. Normally, there is just a sense of foreboding. This time - whether it's out of fear or knowledge - I feel as though this something is related to my own health, or more specifically, the arthritis. It seems like the bad days I haven't had that often have returned with a vengeance. Some days (or even times of the day) I try to fight the pain; others, I'm simply too fatigued to do so.

I haven't been able to sleep lately either. It could be because I'm moving into an apartment with my friend Katy on Monday, nerves, or it could just be because my body is ridiculous. Whatever the case may be, I have had two cups of coffee today, trying to up my caffeine levels in order to relieve pain. I'm so tired of taking medicine. I don't want to throw a pity party, but I am not entirely sure how to handle the things going on for me right now. I guess I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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