Saturday, June 18, 2011

It's almost moving time

So it's exactly one week until the boyfriend and I get the keys to our place. I am super excited about it, all except the actual moving part of course. We're going to have tons of help, so that should be no issue. But I also find myself extremely worried.

I won't have a day off until next Saturday, which is fine, but I am worried about how my body will react to all this working and then having to lift things. I am so much weaker than I was last year.

Well, weaker isn't the right word.

I've been working out and building muscle. It's easier for me to lift things. But I also get tired so much more quickly now and that's really what I'm worried about. I shouldn't have to carry anything that heavy, but it also doesn't feel right letting other people do all of the hard work.

No, weak is not the right word. Useless is too strong. Inept makes it seem too odd.

I guess there's no one word to encompass it, and maybe that's the fun part about dealing with a chronic illness. There's no easy way to explain to others how I feel. I am worried that my body will crap out on me, right when I need it to work the most. And worried about other people seeing. I'm okay with my boyfriend seeing how tired I am (to a point) or close friends. But even then, I distance myself from them and don't really allow them to know how I'm feeling. I feel like I 'complain' too much about my body as it is, and don't want to burden everyone with everything all the time.

After the move, I will just be counting down until August when I can look at switching doctors or at least visit a GP who can give me pain medication. It would be nice to have something stronger than 600mg ibuprofen right now.

2 comments:

  1. Hi, I just started following your blog :)

    One of the hardest things with Still's Disease is knowing when to swallow your pride. Let others do the heavy lifting/bending and focus on the things that you CAN do, with ease, so that you feel involved without putting too much strain on your body.

    I'm sure that people don't mind helping as much as you think... I know it brings out the caveman in my OH and makes him feel all manly.

    Remember too that the moving part is just one day, it will soon be forgotten. But the house and the future it brings is an exciting time for both of you - enjoy it! :)

    Take care,
    L

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  2. Thanks! :)

    Hopefully I can remember that I should just take it easy... or maybe I'll just take extra steroids and be strongwoman haha.

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