Friday, April 20, 2012

Miracle Cure (A Dream)

Note: No. There isn't one, and this isn't real. Sadly, it's just a dream for now. But this is what my cure is in my mind  :)

Attention attention!

There is a miracle cure for autoimmune arthritis! All you have to do is drink a very large margarita every day.

Doctors aren't sure why they missed this. The medications traditionally used for all types of autoimmune arthritis, including Still's Disease and Rheumatoid Arthritis, put a limit on the alcohol intake due to negative effects on the liver and other organs.

A few months ago, news that alcohol helped to inhibit the activity of these diseases for some prompted a new study. The study, conducted in a secret location long rumored to be along the coasts of Mexico, forced people affected with many different kinds of autoimmune arthritis to give up their medications in order to participate.

The margaritas tend to be the most effective when iced and blended. The efficacy of the margarita can be stretched longer if need be, with other lesser alcoholic drinks substituted in the interim. Shots seemed to be most effective when several were taken in rapid succession. However, martinis and sangria seemed to be the most effective alternatives to margaritas.

It is unsure how this will affect children affected with these diseases. Currently, there is a study being conducted on the efficacy of alcohol baked into every day foods like chili and cupcakes on children. The initial results are very promising, with a number of children entering remission from just one alcohol infused meal a day. Some are worried that exposing their children to alcohol so early will have a negative effect. However, in many foods the alcohol cooks out only adding flavor and apparently the ingredients that help autoimmune arthritis calm down.

It is unknown for now how this will change disability claims for those on these diseases, however. It is kind of hard to work when you have to be plastered fairly often.

1 comment:

  1. Haha very funny! Alcohol does seem to help though ;) not sure it's a long term solution.

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