Growing up, I was sure I wouldn't really live long enough to do the parenting thing... now I'm 27 and married.
When I was younger, it was jammed into my head that my mother was clearly why I got sick. I think that in our family there is a genetic component to these diseases. I was adamant most of my life that having kids would just get them sick and they'd have to deal with crap like I did.
I'd never want a child to go through this disease if I could help it, so why increase the chances by procreating?
Since we got the guinea pigs a year ago, I've had a wee bit of baby fever. The piggies have certainly helped with that thank goodness. They are every bit as much my babies as any little humans could be. I love spending time with them and making sure they feel safe and loved. I know a lot of that has to do with the background we seem to share - some level of abandonment and neglect in our histories.
Jaq, who has always been skittish, will even let me pet him while he's in the cage occasionally! He and Gus give me kisses, and Oreo loves getting pets.
I just want them to be happy and healthy and safe. I think they are.
Still, I've been considering the idea of little people in my life. Now that the kineret is really helping, this is becoming more of a possibility.
So I was a little sad to read another reason for me to be cautious... trauma can be passed down through generations. Thanks epigenetic inheritance!
If you think about it, the idea makes sense. We would want our children and grandchildren to know about trauma we've been through so they can better prepare their bodies for it. It seems like an evolutionary trait. Knowing that trauma can also set off autoimmune or autoinflammatory diseases, though, gives me extra pause.
That's just another layer of crap any children T and I have would inherit. I don't know if that's fair.
T and I did have an interesting conversation the other day where he said he's always seen me as the foster/adoptive parent type. I'm sure seeing me with the piggies doesn't hurt that notion.
The more I think about it, the more I like it.
That isn't to say that we won't have a child of our own. Right now, though, working on my health and helping my niblings is a little more important than thinking about all this.
They're entirely too adorable.