Sunday, April 3, 2016

Anger is a black hole

Think about how you parents (or the people who raised you) processed and responded to anger. Write down anything unhealthy you learned from them and what might be a healthier choice. (The goal is not to blame them for their shortcomings, but to recognize how you formed some of your patterns and what can do to change them.)
Oh heavens, Mother didn't. There was a lashing out with anger, hurtful and stinging words.

Some of them still echo in my head.

I learned to be horrible to other people because it would supposedly make me feel better, but I always felt empty and horrible afterward. I wanted the horrible pain and feeling in my stomach to become a black hole and suck me into oblivion.

The Eridanus Black Hole, courtesy of ListVerse
I was led to believe that anger and judgment were a way of life, that being paranoid about others judging me was what I was supposed to do.

My anxiety loved it.

My heart did not.

By working on mindfulness and compassion training, I've been able to build upon my natural skills for helping others. I've been able to calm down a lot of that anger that seems to come from fear and hurt.

I've taken that black hole and created something new, something beautiful.

The Pillars of Creation, courtesy of ListVerse
And I'm incredibly proud of that.






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