Back in July, I got settled into my own place. It’s felt both odd and liberating to make it my own. T and I are working through the divorce paperwork now and are being friendly.
In the time since being on my own (or as the marriage was ending at least), I’ve done a few things I’m really proud of.
The first? I started dating someone I am very in love with. They are also nonbinary, queer, and a Taurus. We get along so well. I’ve never had the types of interesting conversations we have with anyone before. We embrace being silly, provide each other with emotional support, and… well, we have really great sex.
On top of that, they see me as I really am! I’m able to be completely vulnerable with them in a way I never have with anyone. I straight up brought up MAS the other day in person with them and talked about it. If you’ve been reading the site for a bit, you’ll know I started blogging to explain anything and everything about SJIA to the ex because 1) he didn’t really listen, and, 2) I was afraid to share a lot with him. But Ian? I could (and do) make comments about anything and everything. They’ve helped me through so many panic attacks and rough physical days, too. They’re really great.
Go figure, it took dating someone else dealing with chronic illness and being a part of the LGBTQ+ community for me to really feel seen.
My sister says I’m more myself than I’ve been in ages, and she’s right.
Before the breakup, I had set up a boudoir shoot with a friend. It turned into an amazingly affirming experience to model for her. Here’s one of my favorite pics (more to come):
Embracing the sexy side of me also saw me starting dance classes! Yeah, I know! I took belly dance and burlesque… and then, last Saturday, had my first burlesque performance. It went really well, and I can’t wait until the next one. It’s weird, but being topless in front of people wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be!
Now, you read hockey in the title. I know some people might be a little concerned about what that means for me, haha.
I am playing hockey with my arthritis.
I’m playing with a local LGBTQ league – the largest one in the world. It’s kicking my ass but in the best way. I’ve gone from being unable to really stand on skates to being able to skate, albeit slowly.
It’s been a lot of hard work. I’ve spent a ton of time in the gym and skating and doing other exercises. I’ve done a lot of squats, haha. My physical therapist has been giving me exercises to strengthen the muscles I needed to work most on.
Naturally, being me, I’ve had two pretty rough falls. The first saw me pull some muscles. The second saw me bruise my tailbone. The latter was last Sunday and my butt is still a little sore, but it’s amazing how different my body feels. Sure, these injuries haven’t been awesome. At the same time, the pain is almost… enjoyable? It’s because I’m doing something other than just existing.
The changes in my body are just phenomenal. I’ve lost a good amount of weight, gained a bunch of muscle, and am so much stronger.
Our first game is Nov 3rd and I’m so excited. I’ll be sharing goalie duty with two pals and playing another position (probably one of the wings).
I was in Nashville last week with a group of SJIA parents, and it was so amazing to share all of these things I’m doing. To tell them that, yeah, things like playing hockey are possible? Their reactions alone were worth the hard work I’ve put into my physical health since June.
I’m so incredibly happy.