relationships Archives - Not Standing Stills Disease

Has rheumatoid arthritis negatively impacted your relationships, intimacy, or sex life?

Don’t miss the ‘Sexual RAlationships’ Facebook Live on Wednesday 15 September at 6 pm BST. That’s 1 pm Eastern. You can convert to your time zone here.

Lohani Noor is a psychotherapist and psychosexual therapist. She recently was an expert on BBC Three’s Sex on the Couch. She is also the author of 12 Steps to Sexual Connection, available via Audible.

Be sure to register. You can email questions ahead of time by Sept 10.

The National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society (NRAS), is the only patient-led organisation in the UK specialising in rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA). You can follow them on FB, IG, and Twitter. Make sure to check out their website as well!

You can view the recording below:

In the last few weeks, everything in my life got put on hold. I owe everyone an explanation.

Getting a divorce

In 2007, I met my husband. We were engaged in 2012, and then we got married in 2014. Within a few years, I discovered my queerness and gender fluidity. If I’m honest, I thought that once we got through that period, we would be golden.

I was wrong.

T and I are going to be getting a divorce eventually. For now, I’m working on finding a new place to live.

As sad as I am about it, part of it is him struggling with my queerness and gender. I would rather feel seen in full than in part, but it is what it is.

We’ve been polyamorous for a little bit, but he only recently began dating. For those of you who don’t know what that means, it means I’ve been on dates and relatively recently more seriously dating. Polyamory is about many loves, and I’m happy to answer more questions about that. I haven’t been as out about it to avoid awkwardness with family, but have reached a point where I’m past that.

Ian, one of my partners, has been instrumental in helping me process my feelings about so many things surrounding relationship stuff. It’s been interesting dating them because they are very similar to me – the real me that often has gotten hidden. It’s been really nice to find the parts of me that I’ve hidden for so long – but most importantly, to find someone who appreciates all the weird things about me.

Gus died

Gussy had been sick since Halloween. He passed away on the 16th and went out doing what he loved most – snuggling me and listening to music.

I miss him so much, and I can’t help but think he would still be here if my relationship with T wasn’t tits up. Neither of us paid as much attention to the piggies as we should’ve recently. Combine that with an infection we couldn’t get ahead of and, well, you get the hellish morning of the 16th.