It was a really hard episode to watch for a few reasons. The main case going on was a little girl who was crazy sick and two parents (one a doctor) trying to figure out what really matters and how to help. Having been a little girl crazy sick, it was not easy.
But even more, watching Wilson be so frustrated at his illness and willing to do whatever to defeat it… It was so real to me. Wilson’s pain, hallucinations, chapped lips… It all reminded me of MTX and how horrible I felt on such a low dose. I know I shouldn’t complain, because relatively speaking – especially in this case – my dose was sooo low. His realization that he wishes he was more of an asshole because then he’d feel like he at least deserved to be sick is something I’ve definitely dealt with too.
Wilson realized that the pain he goes through during this procedure is so similar to what House goes through every day and yet House gave up his pain meds to help him. I totally lost it.
Before Wilson starts the chemo, House makes a martini for each of them and does his version of a toast. I went ahead and removed the parts that Wilson interjected and have re-posted the speech below. Oddly enough, I think it pretty well captures what autoimmune arthritis can do.
To stupidity. Not quite done. To muscle aches, spasms, to your joints feeling like they’re being ripped out and replaced with shards of broken glass. Your stomach fills with bile. When you vomit, it feels like someone is forcing a really hot hammer down your esophagus tearing your flesh, blood dripping down the back of your throat choking and gagging you with the slick coppery taste of burnt pennies.
Day 2: white blood cells are gone opening up your system to attack. Your temperature skyrockets – one second your skin feels like it’s on fire the next second it’s entombed in ice. Every pain sensory in your body is firing at the same time until agony isn’t even a word or a concept. It’s your only reality. You hallucinate. You dream of death. And then the race begins. Can your body claw its way back in time before the organisms and parasites claim you permanently? Win – you live. Lose – you die.