If my recent post on the crud with my mother resonated with you, today may be a pretty rough day for you. I will freely admit that it is for me, mostly because of the expectations that you be with your parents on these made-up holidays to celebrate their sacrifices.
Not all parents are worthy of such admiration.
Parents also need to understand that every little sacrifice they make isn’t on the kid. That’s an adult choice and shouldn’t be held over your kid’s head.
To clarify, we kids didn’t ask to be born right? Parents knowingly engaged in something they knew could bring about kids, trying or not. They knew what they could be getting themselves into.
A good parent is selfless and doesn’t need these cheesy ass candy company holidays.
On that note, check out the links below. Some of them are parent specific, but a lost of them focus on self-care/love after rough patches or dealing with toxic people.
We can start with those darn parental units.
I shared this post about rough mother’s day issues on my facebook page the other day. It outlines a few ways mothers specifically can be abusive. I have to say that my mother falls into each of these categories, which is kind of frightening.
Sound familiar? Here’s another story on growing up in a similar situation and another on how the cycle of abuse works for abusers.
Being someone who is empathic or can easily cultivate compassion for others is really hard when you’re in an abuse situation as this article discusses. This woman discusses how her mother’s death and the resulting PTSD led her to develop more compassion.
Perhaps your abusive situation, past or present, surrounds more of an intimate relationship like this. It can be so hard to get out, and it doesn’t help when people judge or make decisions to ‘help’ that actually can put you in more danger.
For some people, friends are the problem. Perhaps you have friends that don’t respect your time or dominate conversations always. One way among others to work on this is to express yourself, but that sadly doesn’t always work.
Perhaps the first step to healing from this type of toxicity is to learn that you are worthy of saying no. You not only have it in your power, but you have a right to stand up for yourself. You are worthy of love, and if you’re not getting it, get out!
In the healing process, I give myself pep talks. It’s perfectly normal and we all do it from time to time. For me, it’s just a little more constant right now. I have to reassure myself that I’m on the right path in many things, that I’m worth the good choices I’m making, and that it doesn’t matter if I’m quirky.
My quirkiness is what kept me alive. My quirkiness is what makes me fun to be around. And I’m not ever going to cut it out.
It took a lot for me to get so comfortable talking about what I’ve been through. I’m still really realizing some of it.
When I started therapy again a few months ago, I set a goal with my therapist that I really want to learn who *I* am. That requires really dealing with the experiences I’ve had and putting myself back together… even though one could argue that I’ve never fully been ‘together’ to begin with. I have to take the power back and control my own life. I also have to be patient when that doesn’t move as quickly as I would’ve wanted.
Because of the fears that were instilled in me as a child, I have pretty good anxiety. It can be really hard to deal with, although medication is helping. I still get overwhelmed in crowds, but I’ve also learned to embrace and lean into that uncomfortable situation. I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay, and I’m okay with that.
I believe that self-care and self-love can change the world. I believe that it has changed my life for the better. If I bug you personally about self-care and love, it’s because I care about you and want you to be well and happy and all that good stuff.
It also allows me to be a bitch when I need to be, and I’m kinda loving it.
Perhaps the biggest thing for me was starting to date myself. I mean, how could you love yourself without a courtship phase?
You really can’t.
Do I love myself fully? Not yet, but I’m getting there. I’ll continue to keep dating myself until I find that place. I hope that you do too.
Don’t know where to start on self-love? Check out this link. Learn about the power of self-worth. Read those quotes on strength.
Take care of yourself today. Please. Treat yourself the way you’d treat your closest friend – with compassion, tenderness, understanding, and love.