Category: Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges

Compassion Meditation

Posted on by Grayson

Devote five to twenty minutes to a simple compassion meditation. Start by visualizing someone toward whom you easily feel compassion, and silently repeat the words May you be happy and free from pain and suffering. Now visualize yourself and mentally repeat the same thing. Next, visualize someone toward whom you have neutral feelings while repeating the same well wishes. After that, visualize someone for whom you have trouble feeling compassion, to help extend the goodwill you’ve fostered toward them. End the meditation by extending your well wishes to everyone on the planet, with these words: May all living beings be happy and free from suffering.

I love compassion meditation. Quite honestly, it’s the one meditation I tend to practice the most.
The only hard time I have is picturing those I don’t get along well with.
I go for big fish instead of the guppies that are easier to catch.
Have you done this type of meditation before?

 

Compassion vs Excuses

Posted on by Grayson

Identify one person, group of people, or type of people you believe doesn’t deserve your compassion. now try to empathize with why those people may be like they are or may do the things they do. Think of all possible factors that may have contributed – their past struggles, their physical or emotional health, their disadvantages. Write these things below to help you challenge the belief that this person or these people don’t deserve compassion.

I bet you can’t tell who I’m going to write about!
My therapist says I keep going after the big fish instead of working up to them, and it’s true.
I should be considering how other health activists with whom I don’t get along interact with the world or how Donald Trump does… I don’t consider him worthy of my time, but hey.
Instead, I try to focus on my mother.
The issues that I have with my mother are many. I knew that the day I helped protect my sister and my niece would end the troubled relationship I had with my mother. I knew shit would go down.
Hell, I had the cops on standby.
I thought that there would be physical violence, threats, but what happened was almost worse.
I was denied the ability to control my story still, even as we disbanded this ‘family’ I grew up in.
I can understand why my mother has made certain choices, and yet others baffle me…
Refusing to get your daughter on medications that could’ve changed her life? Neglecting medical treatment in general?
I will acknowledge that my mother has had a hard life. I acknowledge that her family – her mother – was not awesome. There are prevailing mental health and medical issues she needed attention for that were not addressed. I believe that she deserves compassion, but quite frankly I’m unable to give it now.
I’m not sure if I will ever be.
Understanding those things also brings me dangerously close to making excuses for her, though, and there are no excuses for our treatment growing up. I refuse to explore this compassion towards her further until I fully feel safe from her.
In reality, I don’t expect this to happen while she’s living, and I can be okay with that.

 

Self-Compassion

Posted on by Grayson

Whenever you get hard on yourself today, comfort yourself with a physical gesture and a few words of compassion, such as, “I’m having a tough time, but I deserve my own love and kindness.” According to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, physical touch releases the feel-good hormone oxytocin – even when the touch is your own.

Today’s Tiny Buddha Challenge is an interesting one. I often find myself rubbing parts of my body like my neck/collarbones or hips when I’m not well and am in need of comfort or a pick-me-up. I had not put together, though, how this might relate to oxytocin, the chemical of love.

What do you usually do when you start getting hard on yourself? How does this keep you stuck?

Lately, I have been much better on this as I’ve been working on self-love and self-care as a part of the #ChronicSex movement. However, that doesn’t mean this is perfect or that I talk to myself like a champ all the time.
Over the weekend, I had a hard day at my swimming class. As I was in the bathroom at home after the class, I reflected on how stupid it was for me to try to take a class at the same time one day a week for two and a half months without considering my fatigue and pain levels would get in the way – or how my fibro and other issues would be exacerbated.
It was bad.
I had to take a step back… figuratively, obviously, because the toilet was in the way… and take a breath.
That negative self-talk has been ingrained in all of us for various reasons – family/childhood issues, the media, etc.
Recognizing it when it happens is the first step to stopping it because you know what’s going on.
It happened to be my sister’s birthday so, since I always bring my phone in the bathroom thanks to IBS, I texted her to tell her that I loved her bunches.
Stepping back, I know that I did this as a way of making things up to myself for having been harsh as I often utilize my sister as a way to treat myself better. I’ll think, “Is this something I would say to Kelsey?” If it’s not, then I know the situation has turned too negative.

What, if anything, do you fear might happen if you’re not hard on yourself? Is is possible that’s not true?

This is a really good question for us all to examine.
Sometimes, I know that it may seem like we won’t achieve as much without pushing our own buttons, without being horrible to egg ourselves on.
We can do so much more without that.

What type of physical gesture do you find most soothing?

A rubbing/scratching in the area between my chest and my neck. It can be erotically pleasing or just comforting.
What about you? I’d love to hear your answers for these questions!

 

Empathy

Posted on by Grayson

Before all conversations today, think of one way that you’re similar to the person you’re speaking with to help you approach them with empathy…

What are some things you have in common with every other human being?

I’ll reflect on the latter reflection piece since I’m writing this beforehand.
All people share the same basic emotions, like sadness and fear. We may pretend like we don’t, but those feelings are certainly there.
All people share certain experiences like birth and death.
As someone who is empathic and practices loving-kindness or compassion meditation daily, these ideas are second-nature to me now. Growing up, I even knew they were true. Yet, there are times where I am (or have been) a downright snotty bitch.
Reflecting on this question brings up those times.
To the SJIA parent group that I irked with pushing mortality rates in your face, I’m sorry. Depression took hold of me for a long while there and the only way I had been taught to work through it was to hurt others.
I get very self-righteous at times and it’s really difficult.
As I continue to grow and learn, I’m finding new ways of practicing these better ideas.
Still, I find it hard. Being an empath is not an easy task. I don’t quite know how to block out certain emotions, especially strong and negative ones from other people. This has certainly played a role in me not having contact with many people like my mother.
My body, mind, and spirit become so toxic around them.
Sometimes going places I love like the women’s hockey games is difficult depending on who is around. Sensing so many feelings all at once can be really difficult.
What about you? Have you looked at compassion or empathy more?